2004-10-11 - 1:08 a.m.

Wednesday: Dave concert was amazing! Patti and I tailgated with her friends from UNI. We weren't there for more than a half an hour and I run into Andy's brother Trent and his wife Kate. How random. Apparently the whole family misses me and still (after 3 years) talks about me all the time. His mom especially. I guess she compares every girl Andy tries to date with me, which makes me quite happy. I guess Andy's in Germany, doing well. Good for him, I'm doing well too. Of course I told them all about Boston and how happy I've been too, cause I know it'll get back to Andy. In fact, when Trent emailed Andy about coming here, he said wouldn't that be weird if he ran into me. Sure enough. I do miss them though. That was the hardest thing about us breaking up was that I had to leave my second family. It was crazy though, and brought back a lot of feelings and stuff that I thought I'd repressed. I would NEVER get back together with him, I just miss his family.

Thursday: Went to our Microbiology Club meeting (yes, I'm a big dork). This guy came to talk to us about wanting to hire one of us to work for him in this new brewery he's opening. I guess he's the brewmaster and chairman of Granite City, which is an amazing restaurant and has great beer. So I gave him my resume and I have an interview Wednesday. He sounded really excited about me, because I'm his last interview, he wants to take me to Des Moines to tour the restaurant and stuff, and is excited that I'm a bartender and a chemistry minor. :) So that would be an amazing job and has full-time potential when I get done. Meaning I'd have to stay in Iowa for a few years, but after that... possiblities are endless. Especially in Boston, Boston Brewing Company perhaps?! So I'm pretty pumped about that. I always said I'd keep bartending when I get a "real" job, but didn't realize I could integrate my major into the field that I already love working in.

On a sour note, I think things with Adam are grinding to a halt. I just can't handle him. I feel that I give 100% to make him happy and don't get anything at all in return. He just accuses me of lying to him and hiding my "true" feelings. Which is completely untrue, and I'm not sure if I can keep reassuring someone who doesn't believe anything I say. I feel that I'm constantly walking on eggshells not to say or do anything to upset him. We just constantly argue about stupid shit and the same topics over and over. I'm not happy, bottom line. And I know he's not happy with himself, so how can he possibly make me happy? He's like a sponge, totally sucking the life and happiness out of me, and I said I would never be with someone like that again. He needs a psychiatrist, not a girlfriend. I just don't want to make things worse for him right now, but I'm miserable.
I think the main reason why I tolerate things with him is because it makes the whole Michael situation a hell of a lot easier to deal with. That sounds horrible I know, but its true. He and his "girl" (she's 18) were so fucking flirty and all over each other at work, I thought I was going to be sick. So instead of puking, I drank; and called Adam. Jenn is going to talk to them because she noticed it too, even before I said anything about it. Gag me. She's not cute and looks like a man. Not to mention she's not even old enough to drink, and when she is, Michael will be 25. Am I the only one who thinks that's weird?? She tried to talk to me Saturday and I really tried to be civil, I just can't stand her. Michael knew something was wrong too because when she left he kept bugging me about it. I hate relationships.

Found a really good quote today by Dante: Nessum maggior dolore, che ricordarsi del tempo felice nella miseria. Which means, There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.
How true....

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