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2003-11-16 - 11:38 a.m. So last night...not a good one. My pea def wasn't feeling the love, and I felt like an idiot for even trying. "I don't think so" is just music to my ears. My new advice: sleep with someone you don't care about, that way feelings won't get hurt. Yeah. So I don't know what's going to happen with this whole thing. He said he was really tired and stuff the whole night, but I still feel not good enough. It was def one of those nights when I had a total breakdown about not having a permanent guy in my life. (Which you'd think I'd be used to considering my father and no other guy has been permanent, but I'm not) Jen, my manager and a great friend, was great last night. When Michael and everyone left, I totally lost it and was sobbing for like 15 minutes and she was def there for me to cry on. Then we did a drive by of her pseudo-bf's house (because he didn't call yet) and then proceeded to drive all over ames to find him. It was damn funny, I haven't done that forever. Eventually we found him at his friend's house, kept on driving, and then went to Perkins to eat. I felt a lot better after that. The bad thing (maybe its good) is that I won't see him for like 3 weeks. He's going to Europe for break, and is leaving on Thursday. That's a long time, and I really didn't say anything to him when he left last night. (I was still trying to scrape my ego off the floor) I half-waved and that was it. I don't think I even looked up from what I was doing. oops. Part of me wants to call him and wish him well on his trip, but I don't think I'm going to. I had a dream about him last night too. We were at work, and things were like they were last night, and then he went outside to have a cig with Jen. Then when he got back, he was being super sweet and said how he did want to see me after work, blah blah. I ask him why the change in plans, and he just smiled and said he didn't know. Then I went and talked to Jen, and it turns out that she told him that I liked him, and got him to admit that he really liked me as well. So we left work, and he held my hand and was just being presh. Then I woke up. Fuck! It was just a dream. The one time that things are the way I want them. Well, at least I am happy in my dreams. I hate guys.
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